July 9, 2020

Welcome to Deborah Bruinsma Consulting.

I am Deborah Bruinsma, the founder of "Deborah Bruinsma Consulting". I am a social worker, a Regulation 7 and private Family Consultant and a previous employee of the Family Court of Australia. I have written over five hundred Family Reports in that time, undertaken a similar number of Child Dispute Conferences and Child Inclusive Conferences, interviewed thousands of adults and children and provided expert witness evidence in children's matters in countless trials.

I am a mother of three adult children. I was married for 32 years when my separation and divorce occurred. While the services offered through "Deborah Bruinsma Consulting" are informed by my professional experience, without a doubt my own personal journey has further enhanced the work offered by essentially having gone through the hard yards myself.

In my professional life, I have worked with couples who are no longer able to communicate with each other, in significant conflict, with entrenched positions embroiled in making a point or winning the war despite the costs to themselves and their children. The ability to step back and see the big picture and consider a reasoned approach appears lost. Conflict is fueled by a sense of betrayal, a loss of trust, past trauma, unresolved childhood issues, such as a fear of abandonment and an inability to move on. All of this can result in important discussions on children and financial matters being emotionally charged and unnecessarily complex.

Very few people anticipate their divorce before they marry, so no one is really prepared. In 2018 there were 119,188 marriages and 49,404 divorces in Australia. Of those, 47 % involved children. The medium age for men was 49 years and for woman 43 years. There were 17,070 Court Applications in family matters across Australia and 16,608 finalisations.

So not everyone ends up in Court and not everyone divorce is conflictual. As with any significant life challenge we face, it is the story we assign to the event that determines how we respond.

At "How Do I Get Divorced?" you will be coached through the divorce process to ensure you are well informed and well equipped to face the challenges before you and ultimately assign a story that will enhance your present and future life.

I look forward to providing insights and relevant information regarding separation and divorce in future blogs.