Why is engaging a divorce coach important?
For most people their wedding day is one of the most joyous and memorable milestones in life. It is the start of a new beginning with the person you love and adore, and the making of a lifelong commitment to be “together till death do us part”. Most people do not enter into the serious commitment of marriage believing that it will end someday, but sadly many marriages do end.
In reality we all know that the euphoria of the wedding day and the blissful honeymoon period slowly fade as we get back to the everyday grind of real life. All marriages experience changes and challenges during life’s journey, and unfortunately, for various reasons, many marriages fall apart. A staggering statistic shows that almost 50% of marriages in Australia end in divorce. Financial problems, illness, infidelity and domestic abuse are just some of the countless issues that tear marriages apart. Making the final decision to end a marriage is never easy, regardless of who initiates the separation. Whether you or your partner have made the decision to leave, divorce is an incredibly stressful event full of intense and mixed emotions.
As a marriage dissolves it is natural for people to feel extremely emotional and vulnerable, and fearful of what the future may bring. Going through a divorce can be an incredibly stressful time, marked with emotional and financial pain and struggle. Once the decision to divorce is inevitable the thought of having to go going through a divorce can be overwhelming and many just do not know where to start. During this time, many people may ask themselves a million questions, like ‘how will I get through this?, ’how will I survive emotionally and financially?’, “will I ever be happy again?”, “how do I tell the children and how will they feel about this?”.
The good news is, a divorce coach can help you through the entire process of separation and divorce – before, during and afterwards. Here’s how:
What is a divorce coach?
A divorce coach can help you navigate through the many obstacles and challenges you may face at every stage of the separation and divorce process. Most divorce coaches are trained therapists with experience in family law. Not only do they understand the ins-and-outs of the entire divorce process, but they can also provide therapeutic counselling and emotional support. The main goal of a divorce coach is to guide you every step of the way through your divorce as safely, and painlessly as possible.
A divorce coach can essentially ‘hold your hand’ through the unchartered waters of divorce by providing services such as:
- Planning the best strategies for your current situation and the future life
- Assisting with conflict and dispute resolution
- Provide advice and expertise on navigating the legal system
- Communicating with lawyers if required
- Assist with preparation of mediation sessions
- Help prepare documents for court and court appearances
- Develop co-parenting plans, and advice on how to support your children
- Provide overall support to give you the strength and ability to move on and start a new life
How can a divorce coach help you?
Help you maintain your sanity and start a new life
While getting a divorce is never easy, a divorce coach can be your emotional pillar of support during these tough times. They can teach you how to control your emotions and communicate with your ex-partner calmly and effectively and stay focused through each stage of the divorce. While family and friends may be able to provide you with emotional support, some people feel guilty about overburdening their loved ones at this time.
Furthermore, sometimes family members and friends, although well meaning, can provide ill-advised or downright unhelpful advice, not really understand your situation, or ‘take sides’ with your ex-partner. The advantage of having a divorce coach is that they are independent of your family and friends and can provide impartial support and guidance. They have no other agenda but to focus on your best interests.
What happens after divorce is important, yet so many people come out the other side feeling at a loss to know how to move forward successfully. A divorce coach can also give you the motivation and encouragement to take ownership of your new life. They can help you make the necessary changes to regain your financial and psychological independence. A divorce coach can help you see the ‘big picture’ by working out what you want for your future, and then help you set the goals you need in order to achieve them.
Help you support your children and co-parent effectively
When children are involved in divorce there is often increased tension experienced by everyone in the family. The last thing any parent wants during a divorce is to put their children through more suffering. Children need time to understand what is happening, and you need to give them extra space to adjust to the emotional and physical changes happening around them.
Unfortunately, when divorce gets nasty between parents, children can be drawn into a conflict they have no control over. This can have significant effects on their emotional wellbeing and cause long-term emotional damage. It is extremely important for both parents to make their children feel secure, safe and loved during and after the divorce. A divorce coach can help parents achieve this by setting priorities focussed on their children’s needs, by developing mutual co-parenting plans with minimal conflict. This is not an easy task, especially if the conflict between parents is high.
Coaching however, can enable each parent to create a comfortable environment for their children and keep them out of the conflict (both emotionally and financially). Divorce coaches can also assist in helping parents resolve disagreements surrounding the children’s living arrangements, financial support, and schooling.
Minimize conflict and dispute resolution
Most people try to get through separation and divorce without the bitterness of constant arguments. However, if you are in a situation where your ex-partner is being difficult, a coach not only helps you with developing effective communication strategies with your ex-partner, but also prepare you for mediation and dispute resolution – if that is where you are both headed. If the thought of mediation scares you, to build your confidence the coach can help you prepare for mediation sessions and debrief after the mediation sessions.
Guide you through the legal side of divorce
While your instincts may tell you that hiring a divorce lawyer is the best and only way of getting through a divorce…hold on! Before you go down that path it is first a good idea to consider what a divorce coach could offer regarding the legal side of things.
A divorce coach can work with you through the overwhelming legal process of separation and divorce. They can help you understand the legal and financial options that best suit your situation. Legal paperwork associated with divorce is not ‘user-friendly’ and overwhelmingly complicated. A divorce coach can educate and guide you through all the technical legal jargon and help you prepare the appropriate paperwork. Furthermore, they can also help you prepare for mediation and court appearances.
Having said that, if your circumstances do require the services of a lawyer, a divorce coach can also work in conjunction with your lawyer. The coach can serve as your main point of communication with the lawyer, thus helping you save time and money. In fact, it is now becoming increasingly common for divorce law firms to hire the services of a divorce coach for their clients. Many lawyers are now seeing the value that divorce coaches can provide, as they have a unique set of skills to support and assist their clients that lawyers do not.
Another option is that both partners can consult with their own individual divorce coaches, who can then advocate for each partner and work together to devise the best path forward – a win-win situation. You could view this a bit like real estate brokers for the seller and buyer conducting all the business on behalf of their clients.
Save money
Having a divorce coach on your side will certainly help reduce time and money spent on the divorce process by giving you the right advice to make informed decisions. Divorce can be a long and tedious process, and we all know lawyers are expensive, right? The bottom line is it is possible to totally avoid the high costs of divorce lawyer.
Although we shouldn’t put a monetary value on people’s health and wellbeing, we all know that a lot of money is spent on maintaining our health, both physical and mental. A divorce coach will be there for you in a supportive role every step of the way, therefore helping to maintain your sanity and general health and wellbeing. A divorce coach can be an emotional ‘sounding board’ who will listen to you in a non-judgemental way as you transition to your new life. Think of the money you could save on therapy!
To wrap things up
Going through a divorce is one of the most difficult and stressful life events anyone can experience. It can be fraught with uncertainty, fears and conflicts which can create emotional and financial losses, and scars that last a lifetime for everyone involved. A divorce coach can support and guide you through every stage of separation and divorce process to minimise the stress without the high costs of lawyers!
Engaging with a divorce coach can also help to benefit yourself by relieving the stress, but also assist you in being able to support your children and family through this challenging period. By working to understand your individual wants, needs, and goals, a divorce coach and will work closely with you to create a tailored service to help get you through this difficult period. They can give you the practical and emotional tools to empower yourself with confidence to move on and create a new and better life.